Courage that pulls from within starts at the core of a dark black hole where love resides.
Here pulls something at the depths of existence and attaches to the loves of thy life.
Hence WonderWoman comes forth to nurture and nourish the spirit of hearts that beat with hers aligned as one.
She is the daughter, the sister, the wife, the mother. She is a woman who embraces the cries she hears that pull at the core of a dark black whole where love resides.
Poem by Asma x
The first light seeps through just above the window sill, beneath the rim of the blind and catches the tender flicker that is the space beneath the lid of my eye.
First light, as you creep into the crevice of my soul I lay here and can feel life slowly stir through me intruding my peaceful slumber as I savour the last moments of my solitude.
I know. It is time to greet the dawn light and a new day. Only then can I begin the arduous task of creating my own sunshine.
Poem by Asma Ahmad.
It’s the first day of my sugar free month. What’s it all about? A month to detox, lose weight or raise money for charity….actually I don’t think its any of those things. I think for me its a time to reflect and give my body the chance to rid itself of the unnecessary toxins I keep pumping into it under the disguise of ‘a treat’. I learnt much about it all while my husband was recovering from his illness over the last year. Its such a rude awakening that what I perceived to be a yummy treat was in fact a slow poison released into my blood stream each time I scoffed that delicious cupcake or the bar of Belgium chocolate! Now, I’m not saying I don’t indulge, hell I do! What I’m saying is that now I’m in charge. No longer do I cave in to cravings and feel like I’m not going to get through without a sugar kick. Now I decide if I want ‘a treat’ in moderation and know there will be no nutritional value in it whatsoever and that’s ok once in a while. Its all about balance.
How did I get here…? I learnt that sugar was feeding the cancer in my husbands body. With each helping it was providing a feast for the cancer to thrive on. This time exactly one year ago he was diagnosed and now just under 12 months on he’s in complete remission. What did he do….? He stopped feeding the cancer sugar!
I decided to join him in a sugar free detox to keep him company. I noticed within a few days the sugar cravings stopped, My energy levels increased, I slowly began to lose weight (a stone to be exact!) which a year on has stayed off even when I occasionally help myself to the odd bit of dark chocolate and cupcake!
Some of the facts about sugar I discovered along the way:
‘Refined’ white sugar provides no nutritional value.
Sugar can cause heart disease, tooth decay and headaches
Sugar can cause depression
Sugar contributes to obesity and diabetes
Sugar can make our skin age by changing the structure of collagen
sugar can cause hormonal imbalance
Sugar can make PMS worse!
Sugar can suppress the immune system.
Sugar feeds cancer cells.
Don’t get me wrong I like chocolate and I like cake but now the difference is balance and being able to make an informed choice about what my body actually deserves and not being controlled by what I’ve been conditioned to crave!
We sit. We listen. We listen. We sit. The news. It came. And when it came….the world changed….. We sit. We listen. We listen. We sit. The rage. It came. And when it came….the world changed….. We sit. We listen. We listen. We sit. The fear. It came. And when it came….the world changed…. We sit. We listen. We listen. We sit. The tears. They came. And when they came….they came and they came and they came.
It’s 3am and I’m feeling a lot of gratitude right now as I sit in contemplation. There’s something quite special and exposing about night prayers. You don’t hide behind routine and responsibilities, It’s a very honest place. Me, God and the universe. I look back and I can see November 2016. I can see it stretched out behind me and still feel it’s uncertainty and fear. I’m grateful that I am in the present, a place 11 months on. A place of gratitude and hope. It’s a place of remission I so desperately wanted us to be in that day in November when my world changed. A place that I felt life had in that moment robbed us of our oblivious existence. A place where every day was ‘normal’ ‘You’ve got Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma low grade’ He sat and listened to the news. I watched him and the consultant as I silently mulled over the words and in that moment realised my husband hadn’t fully grasped the magnitude of what was being said to him, not really. I’d done my research when those lymph nodes made an appearance a month ago and recognised the terminology she was using instead of the ‘C word’. I was getting frustrated at why she wasn’t saying it. I waited and let her finish dropping the bomb shell on our lives and then patiently put her on the spot. You mean it’s Cancer? Lymphoma is a form of blood cancer..right? “We don’t like to use that word”, she replied. “We group it with cancer but not like the really serious ones as it behaves differently”. I wanted more than that, I wanted her to explain to me in detail what I was going to tell the children. I wanted answers to all the questions flying around in my head that would soon become their questions. I couldn’t carry back to them the medical jargon I had just been fed. She didn’t know. She couldn’t tell us stage or treatment. We had to wait for further tests. We walked back out of the hospital and back into our world, a very different world to the one I woke up in that morning. A million thoughts running through my mind and him not quite there on the same page as me, as the penny still hadn’t quite dropped yet.
Life re-imagined……What would it be….?
I’d spend more time being present with loved ones,
not slipping off my minds turbulent shores.
I’d listen to my inner voice and get to know who I am,
spending less time on endless chores.
I’d notice a lot more of the small miracles and greet them with a smile,
life is just too short.
Even when I’m rushed and think I don’t have time because,
it’s not the experience it’s just a thought.
I’d take a deep breath or two and go to the space,
where I think of nothing but letting in life – everyday.
I’d enrich my soul with the depth of wisdom,
and gift myself more time to pray.
I’d spend more time watching the ripples,
as they rush towards me by the edge of the sea.
I’d really, really, really watch my daughter play and be free.
A short poem by Asma Ahmad